Press One for English, Pay More and Sit in the Back of the Bus!

I’ve experienced discrimination most of my life. Most of the time I just laugh it off. Not as some form of defense but because I truly found it amusingly ridiculous. I’m sure it helps that I am white. Or at least makes it easier to dismiss. 

There is that one Cherokee bride four generations back on my Fathers side, but by looking at me, I’m white. Actually sorta tan, thanks to my full blooded Italian Mother. Maybe one reason I empathize with the down trodden is due to my own experiences and the fact that I just never got the division by skin tone, thing. Passing through Georgia at age 5 I was taunted for having long hair. I just laughed at their accents. Later in life I was told I would need to pay more rent because “long hair people throw parties”. See why I laugh?

 Less funny was growing up in a big city where I was discriminated against because of my last name. See my father was the first person to “Beat City Hall”. Small reward for being shot in the back and paralyzed for life, while watching your two best friends simultaneously murdered by a drunk out of uniform police officer. So my name preceded me. Good thing I was a good kid. Not an angel by any means, but I never deserved the multiple trips downtown in the back of cop cars due solely to my surname. Good way to radicalize a citizen but for me it just made me acutely aware of injustice. And that, in America, you sure as hell do not need to be black to experience injustice, but it helps. 

Now I live in Los Angeles and my first clue was the complete absence of prices on every single “For Rent” sign in every single neighborhood. This makes it easier to charge me more. Although most often my calls were just not returned. At least until I left a message in Spanish. In Glendale I was told to my face that they would only rent to Armenians. In Burbank an Armenian told me that he would only rent to non-Armenians. “Armenians are to much trouble” he lamented. In Hollywood I was told the back house was only available if I was a Scientologists. I think I laughed so hard at that one that my gut hurt. While trying to enroll at a Community College, my paperwork continued to get bogged down. The councilor informed me “if I was from another country I could be put on the fast track, for admissions”. In East L.A., the epicenter of a racist Los Angeles, I was charged double the menu price when I started speaking English. At the body shop, my $1000 quote turned into $3000 the instant they realized I was not Hispanic. Sometimes it takes a short while, as I am tan with jet black hair and do speak some Spanish. But it does not take long before my Spanish runs out and my Mid West soul shines through. Whatever, I never let haters live rent free in my head. And there are more important things and much worse prejudices than in my experiences. Minus the murder, corruption and cover-ups in my hometown of course. 

But just this week the prejudices have turned on my 5 year old daughter. Day one of Kindergarten they did not have any parent literature in English. Okay, we rolled with it. At he parent teacher meeting I dared to ask, “what my child was doing during the 45 minutes of daily English As a Second Language studies”? “Is there any way she could be learning a second language as well during what equals almost 4 hours a week”? It is important to note that I asked this politely and have no issues with the teacher or her methods. She seemed quite nice. So last week I get called into the Principals office. Some things never change. I was informed that the teacher wanted to bounce my kid to another class because the teacher was “uncomfortable”. She claims she was upset that I dared to ask her how she was teaching the kids to draw the number “5”. I remember well the 9-second conversation as I was picking my kid up from class. I wanted to be sure we were on the same page as I was taught to draw from the top whenever possible so as to not lift the pencil off the page. (Also a better way to prepare for Cursive). Turns out, just as my child told me, she was learning a different way. Fine with me, now I know and will be sure not to confuse my kid when checking her homework. So the principal asked me to never speak with the teacher again. Seems she has some emotional issues. “Pobrecita”! This was disconcerting. How about some cold hard academia and less emotion? Especially considering I still did not have a problem or even stern words with this teacher. Now I am supposed to ask the Principal any simple question I have regarding my kids progress, the principal will ask the teacher and get back to me. Ridiculous. It is well known that the teachers Union is all about protecting teachers, not the education or welfare of our children. I can tell the principal is embarrassed. It seems there is a pattern with this teacher. English only students somehow get moved out of her class. I find it hard to laugh off something that involves my child’s education. So now I need to go over the principal’s head, report a teacher that I thought was otherwise doing a fine job. 

Meanwhile my child is up for a spot at the USC Magnet School for the Arts. I am told that she will get “Minority Consideration” because she is White. I am a bit uncomfortable with that. I still judge differences by culture not by race. I could care less if America gets “Browner” or any other color. So long as we can share and celebrate our culture. I guess this is the new America. I sure hope the racism of L.A. is not the new normal. Either way I am getting her out of her current school. Maybe I’ll give the Community College a second shot and continue to grow my hair long. Arrivederci gli amici!

The Republicats have got to go!

-->

The Republican game-plan is to obstruct every issue. Even ones that once were their own, as the country goes down the drain, just to blame the Democrats. I think it will work well for them, just not for the country. There are way too many examples but the latest Health Care fiasco is just too obvious. No "Single Payer" option, Politicians and the Health Industry bribed and appeased. The "Right" are correct that it is way too expensive and government will find a way to mess it up anyway. They are, of course, the same people that were in power for eight years and did zero regarding Health Care. I think they did build some hospitals in Iraq. But since we killed more civilians than in every other war combined, it's the least we could do. The "Left" are correct that it is a crisis and the number one reason people go bankrupt and lose their homes. And let's not forget our current system, ranked 37th in the industrial world, too often kills us, we pay for emergency room visits, corporate corruption and middle men.

And regarding bankruptcy, both parties let the credit card companies rewrite the bankruptcy laws. Almost as bad as the window they gave the credit card companies before implementing the new regulations that just took effect this month. How did it feel everybody to have your rates go up and your credit go down the very same week those crooks got bailed out with our tax dollars? Too big to fail my ass! The Middle Class is too important to fail, but we are getting smaller not bigger. It's our fault that they forgot that they are employees. Our employees. Not our betters, not our lords. They are servants! Public servants.

I know I tend to over simplify but It's just is not that complicated. We desperately need a third party! The Tea Party people, what a laugh. Now you're fired up? Where have you been the last 9 years? Bush's big government, attack on civil liberties and wide open borders DURING A WAR ON TERROR were all okay with you?! I appreciate the civic discourse but how about a little fact checking before you open your mouths? You discredit your movement. And if even a single such groups courts Sarah Palin, then it's over. Did you catch her on Leno complaining about "not being able to set the record straight"? Too bad she doesn't have access to the media. She must have forgotten that she is now officially affiliated with Fox News. Poor Sarah, life is so unfair. Like one big hunting trip from a helicopter.

And no more talk about a third party taking away votes or not being viable. If all the people who are pissed off and all the people who don't vote because they think their votes don't count (or got stolen, hello Florida and Ohio) got together, it would be the biggest landslide victory in American Political history.

Bottom line: The Dem's, with largest majority in 3 decades are worthless Pussys and the GOP are Ruthless Bastards. "Bastards" will beat "Pussys" every time. And once again we'll get the leadership we deserve.

The Simpsons Internet?

I count myself as a fan of The Simpsons. Some around me think I am a supper-fan. But it is the longest running show on television because it has a lot of fans. And has a lot of fans because of the great writing. 

So even though I can quote the shows and kill in the Simpsons Trivial Pursuit game (Reverend Lovejoy's first name is Tim, etc.) I consider myself an average fan. After watching every available box-set episode with the commentary on; I have one question. What and where is this "Simpsons Internet" they often refer to? Is it a "series of tubes"? Did Al gore invent it? Did his wife Tipper sensor it? Did Google in China erase it because the word "freedom" was involved? Can I be part of the "Simpsons Internet" by writing about it in it?

Please consider the following:
I attended the Simpsons Marathon Film Fest in Rome. I met Matt Groening at a party at Sony Studios. I told him "Best show ever" and did not quote, bug or otherwise bother him in anyway. That's worth a little something, right?

I once wrote the Show Runner in an attempt to get my foot in the door as an intern writer. But in Hollywood it's not who you know, it's who knows you.

And oh yes, I have opinions too.
Best regular episode, is found in season 7 "Homerpalooza", even though it was derided by the writers on the commentary. Funny, funny, funny! Too many funny moments and lines to quote. But the backstage meeting between Billy and Homer goes " Billy Corgan Smashing Pumpkins" (shaking hands) "Homer Simpson, smiling politely". The three way turn that gets their tour bus away from both Cincinnati and Cleveland. Pink Floyd's Pig, Cypress Hill doing "Insane in the Membrane" with an orchestra, Jimi Hendrix' puppy, Bart's comment on the ease of "depressing teenagers" on and on it hysterically goes.

Best "special episode" Season 11 "Behind The Laughter" the take-off on VH1's "Behind The Music". "The money was like a drug but what was even more like a drug was the drugs"

The "Tree House of Horrors" are always cool, Homer falling through another dimension, "Poltergeist" style and entering a 3-D universe and falling into a real street that I immediately recognized from Hollywood, complete with live background actors and exclaiming something like "This is the worst place yet"! Funny. Extra funny if you have ever lived near that street. 

Best Couch Gag was the one where we see the entire universe, reminiscent of the opening, and sadly the best scene, from the Jodi Foster flick, "Contact", cumulates into a single hair on Homers head. A close second place is the one where Homer evolves from the muck, walks the timeline of Homo Sapiens to arrive at the couch where Marge asks "What took you so long?"

Way too many great lines to mention but season 19 when Homer referring to God says "in case he is busy creating hurricanes or not existing" was a good one. And I loved that fearless attack on religion. And they should be able to get away with that humor as they expose people to more religious diversity than any other show. Numerous college courses are taught involving the show, including "Religion and the Simpsons". But by far, my favorite line, that still makes me laugh until I cry, is "Homers Phobia" Season 8 episode 15 where guest star John Waters befriends the Simpsons and Marge tries to explain to, the clueless as usual, Homer that their new friend is gay. Marge "Let me put it this way, he prefers the company of men." Homers reply, "Who doesn't!" Golden!!! 

Least favorite, err I mean, "Worst episode ever"? Easy, the season 12, award winning, episode "Homer" where Homers dimness is explained by having a crayon in his nose poking his brain. It was much more interesting to think Homer developed into a loveable goof due to bad parenting, genes, multiple concussions and alcohol abuse. It just seemed like a cheap, weak way to explain something that was better left unexplained.

I enjoyed the jab at Brazil in season 13, "Blame it on Lisa" and Brazil's response. Also found it interesting that when I was in Brazil they referred to "Drederick Tatum" as "Mike Tyson". Opps! It's interesting to watch the show in other countries. They rarely bother trying to copy the original voices and just dub it in with seemingly random voice over actors.

It's still fun when people try to figure out where Springfield is. Really? They have blizzards, beaches with sun, a boardwalk, a Grand Canyon type gorge, one of the tallest mountains in the world, a failed monorail, a baseball team and a nuclear power plant. They celebrate "Whacking Day" where the citizens come out to whack snakes. Their state capital is called Capital City. Come on guys, with all these clues you haven't figured it out yet?

I was disappointed that the producers folded under the criticism of Season 12 episode 14 "New Kids on the Blecch" of Burns saying to Smithers "you call yourself a Chinaman?" while he whipped him from his rickshaw. And changed the line to "You call yourself Chinese?" Even in the box set! I understand not wanting to seem insensitive, but come on politically correct for the Chinese? The Chinese? With all their human rights violations? The same Chinese who steal our technology and sell us poison toys and toothpaste. After the great and ironic tiffs with American Presidents and others, why roll over for the Chinese?

When I first watched the movie I thought it should have been a whole lot more epic. All those years of pre production to come up with that story and the short running time of only 88 minutes? After re-watching, I liked it much more. I guess blowing up all of Springfield was at least a little "epic" and seeing Bart's pee-wee was surely a movie only moment. I can't stay mad at the Simpsons (Homer "I can't stay mad at TV"). And their writers put in so much research, seems almost like overkill when almost any direction they go, even without a ton of background work, is funny. I guess that keeps the writers working hard and looking like they are working hard instead of just having fun and turning out gold.

Okay, so by writing this am I now officially a part of the "Simpsons Internet"? Can I shamelessly request to be invited to a tapping of a commentary on a future box set? I'll provide my own transportation; will not try in anyway to dominate the conversation while adding some true fan insights. I know there is a chance that I will be solely in "the company of men" during the tapping. And "who doesn't" prefer that?

Thanks for your consideration. Oh yeah and one more thing, Screw Flanders!