Thinking of moving to Los Angeles ? Don’t do it!
Thinking of moving away from Los Angeles ? Please take a few people with you.
Before you start to think that I am some bitter, burnt out, Yankee… let me share with you that I am fully aware of what is good about living in L.A. . This blog is not about that.
What the hell, let’s get the good part out of the way. Los Angeles is great for the weather, the beaches (unless you want to swim – too polluted) the weather, the mountains, the weather, the desert, the weather, travel deals out of LAX, the weather, concerts and the weather!
Good, now that is out of the way.
The first thing you will notice when you move here is that your skin will start to break out and your eyes will burn until you get acclimated to the pollution. We are big on pollution. Graffiti, litter, bad water, even the sand can give you a disease. Next you will need to find a place to live. Right away you will notice that the prices are not listed on the “for rent” signs. This is because the prices change according to how well you speak Spanish, what part of Armenia you are from, the length of you hair, your age, if you request working smoke detectors, on and on and on. So after you found your single apartment renting for $900, you will need a job.
The fun is just starting now. Job listings also have something very conspicuous missing; THE PAY! Internet sites, Craigs List, Monster .com and in print, LA Times, Daily News, every thing every where. No mention of the pay? Why would they waste your time and their own by making you come in for an interview for a job you can not afford to take? Who knows? Maybe they are just too embarrassed to list “experienced needed, Bachelors degree required, no benefits, $9.00 per hour” Lately they will just call you an “independent contractor” that just means – “No Overtime Pay, No Benefits, $9.00 per hour”. You start to see why people live 5 to a room and there is ZERO parking available.
But you gotta have a car! Hope to find an honest mechanic cause the pot holes are worse than Mexico and your car will be broke a lot! Car jackings are minor compared to being shot by an enraged driver. Most common is the guy who cuts you off and apologizes be flipping you the bird. You may have hears that L.A. drivers can not drive in the rain. Not all together true. What is true is that so many new thousands of drivers get their license or just drive illegally every day. Then months later, it rains and these thousands of driver have simply never driven in the rain. Also there are drivers from far flung countries that bring their own driving styles to town. Worst of all are the arrogant trophy wives driving SUV’s like tanks while they chat on the cell phone and bring their inflated sense of entitlement and knowledge that they can afford full coverage insurance, down on all those around them.
Nobody walks in L.A.? We try not to. The sidewalks are falling apart. They are destroyed by tree roots, blocked by debris, trash cans and illegally parked cars. Every street that is lined with hedges or trees, are trimmed so low that one must duck, limbo or walk in the street until the foliage is gone. I suspect that most gardeners must be under 4 feet tall and are on their tippy-toes trying to trim the branches.
You are probably familiar with the term "Trash Track". In L.A. we call them trash trucks not because they pick up the trash but because they consistently have trash flying out of them as the drive the streets and highways. All public services are overwhelmed and/or incompetent. It takes months to years to get something done and amazingly they often seem to make the problem worse. It is not uncommon for them to leave behind destroyed streets and pot holes filled with a soft black substance that immediately adds a four inch ramp into the 10 inch pot hole that it was supposed to have filled. Also left behind are double painted divider lines, no parking, and other, signs, barriers, tools and other equipment purchased by the tax payers.
And the Border, oh yes, this has zero to do about politics or race but it will not take long before you start to hear about long cured diseases like Polio and Leprosy making a come back and wonder how many dirty bombs, viruses, gangs and other weapons of mass destruction must have freely entered our wide open borders both North AND South. That’s right we have plenty of Canadians sneaking here also. Snow-Backs I call them. Try to get a job in Canada , especially in the entertainment business. No way, they won’t let you. Only we are so stupid as to encourage our jobs to go to countries where we can not even follow them.
If you enjoy other cultures, as I do, you may think L.A. is cool for that. Wrong! Why? No desire to assimilate and share culture. Also no such things as Turn Signals or Customer Service. Concerned about crime? You should be. We have a lot of gangs here, approximately 40, 000 gang members! That number bears repeating... FORTY THOUSAND!!! And the LAPD is a big blue gang. Some of them are the most corrupt, criminal bastard in America . Most of them are hard working men and women who simply can not help you. Too few of them! 911 will ring busy and you are on your own even if you get an operator. But if you get murdered… they will come. They will come out in force if you get murdered. Hell, they will even send a helicopter. But short of your violent bloody death, you are on your own!
Sound like a nice place to raise a family? The schools are shit! Your children will have 1/3 less lung capacity due to the pollution and if you live close to a freeway or the port it is likely – not maybe but LIKELY they will develop some horrible ailment and have trouble breathing right up until the time they die young! Yes, once again, L.A. is the most polluted city in America (in your face Houston - maybe next year), We have roughly 3,00 smog related deaths a year. Microscopic particles expelled from tailpipes, factories, diesel trucks that are 75 to 100% above federal standards, all linked to severe asthma, cancer and premature deaths from heart and lung disease.
Can't drink the water. Some of the worst in the country. So drink bottled water until we are choking on plastic waste but you will still need to bathe in it. Best to not breath in a steamy shower.
But before you have a family you will likely date. Oh, the L.A. dating scene. If you are a woman you need to deal with the fact that the media glamorizes plastic perfection type super model looks and the perception of every guy thinking you are a gold digging bitch. If you are a man you will have to deal with being surrounded by mostly gold digging bitches. There are some very cool, funky artsy types in town and great relationships can be had, but again, that is not what this particular blog is about.
So now you are stuck in traffic surrounded by SUV’s and Brown and Tan Toyota Celica’s, every drive is a near death experience and the stress kills you as surely as the polluted beef supply. You day dream about your family and friends who are paying $900 for their mortgage when you are paying $1600 to rent. You think about buying a home but can’t bring yourself to spend close to One Million Dollars to live in a graffiti, gang infested neighborhood where, did I mention, the schools are shit! And how can you afford it anyway? The pay sucks, the roads suck, the hospitals suck, the infrastructure is falling apart! Everything sucks except our vacuums! Anyway, you have been warned. If you come anyway, bring a lot of money, an oxygen mask, a big gun and please, please, please take somebody back with you when you leave. Gotta love this weather!!!
