Dateline
Oct. 1998:
I
was fully in the throws of “Wanderlust”.
I had just returned from backpacking across Europe and was planning my
next adventure to Southern Africa.
I needed some cash. Not as much as you might think. I travel cheap.
Often cheaper than if I maintained an apartment in L.A.. I book all the Acting
gigs I can get, I Tend Bar, I Teach Self Defense classes, I do some Landscaping
and play Costume Characters at Kids Birthday Parties. As soon as my bankroll
lines up with the latest travel deal, I’m off! To that goal, I am reading “The
Trades” officially called the “Hollywood Reporter” and “Variety” magazines.
Yes, magazines, it was 1998 (and I still read magazines, btw) These
publications listed Acting, Production and other Industry related jobs. They
also tended to do something severely lacking today. They actually disclosed the
pay and any benefits upfront. I’m not sure how that ever stopped being the
norm, but I digress. So I came upon an advertisement for an “Experimental
Marijuana Research Project” the pay was $185 for a brief interview followed by
a short afternoon commitment. The criteria asked for “adults who smoked
Marijuana, who smoked only Cigarettes, who smoked Marijuana and Cigarettes and
Non Smokers”. I had to read it 3
times. That described EVERY adult alive. So I thought, hey, I fit that! I
called and got the “job”.
It
wasn’t just about the money. I am very curious in general and was specifically
curious about the politics of Cannabis Prohibition. Just a couple years earlier
I had started looking into the history, constitutionality and politics of the
“Drug Wars”. I worked with
renowned activist Jack Herer
and became educated and articulate enough about the subject to speak at rallies
in support of California’s Proposition 215 aka “The
Compassionate Use Act of 1996”, the California law concerning the use of
medical cannabis. (It was enacted on November 5, 1996 passing with 55.6%
of the votes) So I saw this as an opportunity to interview medical professionals
on the subject and get some real life experience from the inside.
The
official name of the study was “Study of Pulmonary Effects of Habitual Use of
Marijuana”. And it was being conducted at UCLA.
So
I show up early, as I do to every appointment. I have no idea how the
afternoon’s experiments will be conducted. I’m on an adventure, one that
promises to be educational and intoxicating.
I check in and meet the doctor. It is one on one. He explains that I will have my vitals taken and 25 ml blood sample drawn. I will be asked to smoke a “joint of Marijuana containing approximately 2-4% THC content”. Followed by a “fiberoptic bronchoscopy”. Basically, it means a small ¼ inch flexible tube will be inserted through my mouth and throat into my windpipe and large air passages, to be visualized and have samples of cells and a small amount of tissue collected from a deep portion of my lung. These cells play a crucial role in defending against infection and injury from smoking.
I
had a few questions planned to ask, but now I had a more urgent one, regarding
“tissue taken from my lung”?! I
was reassured that it was very small and healthy lungs repair themselves, in
general.
First
I ask if it is true that “all Cannabis samples have to come from the same government
location, thereby limiting the variety and potential educational benefits?” -
“Yes”.
Next,
“Would you recommend Marijuana as a medicine?” – “Absolutely, especially for
cancer patients. Unfortunately, I can’t provide it and I am uncomfortable telling
people to get it off the streets.”
Finally,
I want to know how the current research is going? What, if any, are the harmful
effects of smoking grass? He replied “We have not found a single link to cancer
or other major issues, BUT smokers are inhaling burnt vegetable matter and that
is a concern. And one of the things this study is about.”
I
would later learn that while our Government continued to classify Cannabis as a
“schedule one” drug, with no medicinal value, they also now hold a Patent on this
“worthless” plant. Prohibition is
nothing if not hypocritical!
Next
he breaks out, what the paperwork referred to as, “a joint”. I don’t know what
I expected. I guess I had not really thought about it but I do remember being a
little taken aback by the size and perfection of this experimental “joint”. It
was obviously machined rolled and looked just like a perfect cigarette without
a filter. He had me light it up
and said he would count my inhales. I asked him what the record was to finish
it? He said there really wasn’t a record, but when I finished it in 10, he said
“There is now!”
I
wasn’t trying to break any record.
I am barrel-chested, healthy, athletic and likely have a slightly bigger
than average lung capacity. Mostly, I took big inhales because I wanted to do
right by the study.
So
now I am undeniably stoned. I guess even low THC, government weed can get a
novice wasted. Especially after an entire joint in ten big fast tokes.
I
find myself waiting alone in the hallway, longer than expected, with my ass
hanging out of a hospital gown, contemplating having a piece of my lung taken
out. I am getting a bit uneasy. As I try to calm myself, I glance to the right
and notice the warning sign. “Nuclear Medicine”. This really piled on my paranoia. On top of everything else,
I was standing near Nuclear Radiation! I remember being very self aware and
finding my emotions and circumstance funny even while I was disturbed. Which
fits my personality and dark sense of humor perfectly.
The
delay was due to the fact that they had lost my original paperwork. We could
not do the procedure without it. I was asked if I was willing to come back and
start all over? I paused in contemplation. “Would I be paid twice?” – “Of
course.” – Then “Hell yes!”…. Africa here I come!
